


i'll keep singing this lie (just give up)

by orangesofsymmetry



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Coming Out, Domestic, M/M, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-22
Updated: 2015-05-22
Packaged: 2018-03-31 18:53:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3988969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orangesofsymmetry/pseuds/orangesofsymmetry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It goes like this: nothing changes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i'll keep singing this lie (just give up)

**Author's Note:**

> a noble attempt at writing angst. this is not angst. i tried?
> 
> anyway, i've been toying with this idea since november and had a load of fun writing this even though i apparently am completely unable to get the word count above 1000. but look at that. just look at it. wouldja look at it. over 1000.

"Do you think that we should just stop pretending?"

The slice of pizza that Phil had been trying to inhale pauses inches away from his mouth. Phil cocks his head to the side. "What do you mean?"

Dan shrugs and reaches for his drink. "Dunno, really. I was just kinda thinking that we should maybe come out?" Phil waggles his pizza in a way that invites Dan to elaborate. "I mean, like, just stop pretending. We can skip the whole leaping out of the closet bullshit and maybe just move onto being a public couple. We're basically public about things right now, anyway."

Very slowly, Phil takes a bite from his pizza. He chews thoughtfully, swallows and then shrugs. "Yeah." He frowns. "Yeah. We've kinda stopped pretending anyway."

"Exactly! I mean, this is way better than making a coming out video because if we make one of those we'd have to acknowledge that we've lied about us for, like, five years." Dan sounds overly enthusiastic.

"I don't really think we've lied that much..." Phil starts, but even he doesn't have the will to continue. "Selective truth?"

"Whatever." Dan says. "Point is, we do this and we never have to come out and if they accuse of us lying then we can be all, 'well, we never hid it, kids' blah blah blah."

Phil snorts. "What about no homo Howe-"

"Shh," Dan hisses suddenly, handing Phil another slice of pizza. "These aren’t the droids you are looking for."

+

Not pretending, apparently, is not easy.

“Phil, I think we need to have a chat.”

Phil makes a vague noise of acknowledgement from inside the cocoon of blanket that he’s made for himself on the couch.

“It’s about no homo Howell?” Dan continues.

Phil, at this, flails for a second to release himself from the captivity of the blanket. “...Go on.”

“Well, it’s not like particularly about, y’know,” Dan gestures vaguely, “but it’s like, involved with. Y’know. No homo me.”

“Oka-ay.” Phil prompts.

“So, basically, after the whole ‘let’s be really domestic, Dan!’ idea that you had, the fans are kind of in crisis.”

(“Dan, it was your idea,” Phil interjects. Dan doesn’t stop talking.)

“So like, someone will start to notice you staring at me like the sun shines out of my ass, and then someone else will be like, ‘shut up you’re like twelve!’” Dan pauses to huff. “I didn’t know that age had to do with the ability to spot true love, but apparently I was wrong.”

Phil rolls his eyes spectacularly.

"But what’s really getting me is this: what aren’t we doing? We’re being super gay.” Dan whines. “ _Super_ gay!” He stresses, hoping that Phil will hear the italics. “We’re doing everything they want and there’s some sort of shitstorm happening because people think that if they start accusing us of being gay again then there’s gonna be some 2012 shit again!”

Phil slowly seems to get it. “It can’t be…That bad right?” He questions slowly.

Dan thrusts his phone at him and then watches over his shoulder as he reads:

 

> OK GUYS I AM SICK AND FUCKING TIRED OF LYING THIS SHIT DOWN FOR YOU
> 
> _Dan and Phil are not together. Let me fucking repeat that: **DAN. AND. PHIL. ARE. NOT. TOGETHER.**_
> 
> _I know you ship them, but stop fucking pushing it down their throat. They’re real fucking people, they’re not together, they’ve never been together and they never will be together. They’re not fictional characters, Jesus. Motherfucking chill with the fucking “Phan proof” bullshit. It’s fucking creepy. Back off._
> 
> _Remember 2012? Remember when Dan and Phil were **barely together** at all? That was out fault. If you don’t tame down the bullshit it’ll happen again and they’ll lose full trust in us. It will be **our fault. Imagine Dan and Phil not being friends anymore. Don’t fucking do it, okay? **I can’t be the only one who thinks that Dan is isolating himself more and more, so let’s back off and let them have a life **.**_
> 
> _Leave them the fuck alone._
> 
> _And, PSA: keep your Phan shit out of their tags. that’s all [mic drop]_

 

“Someone needs to take a chill pill.” Phil mumbles.

Despite himself, Dan giggles and takes his phone back. “New plan of action?”

+

It goes like this: nothing changes.

+

“So, I’ve been reading coming out fics,” Phil starts, “And there is literally nothing they haven’t thought of yet.” Phil says ‘they’ as if their fans are one person who has personally offended him.

“Literally.” Dan says, putting his mug of tea down. “Us accidentally kissing during a live show, or making a coming video, being caught by a fan in public,” he counts them off on his fingers as he goes, “vague, obscure tweets, someone accidentally outs us, we have an argument and one of us makes a video and then posts it for some fucking reason, um.” He pauses to gasp for breath and to think of another trope. “Oh, my fave is when one of us dies and the other has to make a heartbreaking video about why they’re leaving Youtube, right, and then, if it’s you who’s died, the video that fake me posts is always called Goodbye Internet or something.”

Phil seems to mull that over. “I like that last one.” He pauses. “I might fake my own death just so you can do that. We can’t let that opportunity slip away from us!”

“Phil,” Dan says very pointedly, “if you mention that idea again I will _actually_ kill you.”

“Goodby-ye internet!” Phil chimes and gallops from the kitchen, taking Dan’s tea with him, leaving Dan to grumble (affectionately) to himself.

+

Phil’s already up when Dan wakes up (he can hear him singing in the kitchen and the bed next to him is empty, cold), and the sunlight is trickling through the curtains, casting thick, hazy lines of molten gold onto the white walls of the bedroom.

Dan tries to think of a good reason for him not sharing this with the world; this gentle, smothering contentment that spreads through his bones when Phil switches to singing Taylor Swift.

That’s all it takes.

Dan fumbles for his phone on the bedside table, flicks open Twitter, and types, very slowly:

 

> @AmazingPhil i think the whole street can hear u singing taylor swift. come back to bed.

Phil bursts into the room carrying breakfast on a tray and a camera just as his singing reaches crescendo. Dan hits send.

**Author's Note:**

> actually as a quick closing note: any kind of html is not worth the hassle. goodnight!


End file.
